Worries... According to Maz

So let me tell you a story... Once upon a time there was a girl. One day she realized she was going to college. She had known about this for quite some time (basically her whole life) but she didn't really think about it until one summer day when she had nothing better to think about. And she got really worried and scared. (which doesn't happen very much for this girl because she's pretty much a gung ho person). And for some reason this girl got really freaked out about who her roommate was going to be. She started checking everyday to see when she would get her rooming assignment and would race outside everyday to wait for the mail to see if she got anything from the college. When she did get something, and it wasn't about her future suitemate, she would get really angry (which also doesn't happen very much because she's pretty much a very chill person) and would go on long rants about the pointlessness of the college and the stupid things they were sending her. When the day finally came to receive the name of her roommate, the roommate had not posted her contact number! The girl was furious and told pretty much everyone she talked to about how furious she was. (and let me tell you, she was very furious) She did eventually get her roommate's name and number (how this happened is another story) but she was still worried. Eventually, the girl could not figure out a way to handle her worries any longer, (yes, this does seem like it leads up to something horrible but I promise it doesn't) that she decided the best thing to do was curl up in a ball on her bed. Which she did. But luckily for the girl, instead of crying (which most girls would do) she started thinking. And the main question she asked herself was this: Why am I curled up in a ball right now? And because this girl was very bright and intelligent (not to mention ridiculously good-looking) she figured out some of her problems and feels much better now... The End   

Yes, this girl was indeed me. And yes, I did curl up in a ball on a bed. I have never done anything like that before in my life. I usually like to meet my problems head on, but in this situation I hid instead because I had no other idea about how to handle my worries and anxieties and fears. But as I was hiding from my future, my very analytical mind woke up and I thought some deep thoughts about worries, why we worry and basically why I was curled up in a ball. Here are some of them:

1. When we can't control the situation, it controls us. As in the above story, when I was unable to control my roommate situation, I became worried, stressed, scared and angry. Emotions I do not exhibit on a normal day. I thought about the different times in my life when I was in deeply troubled situations and I realized this happened to me every time. I did things that were not really me. Worry causes me, well, to worry. It brings out the worst in me. That's not to say I break under stress, because I really don't think I do. But when I am in a helpless situation, when I can not manipulate any of the variables to give myself some sort of leg-up or control, I start to go a little crazy. 

2. We can't change anything by worrying. This is something I've always thought about and usually tell myself when I start to go crazy. But in this case I didn't really think about it until I was in my little ball. Worrying does not make a situation better, does not change it, and does not make it come any faster or slower. All it does is wear us out. I will be going to college, I will be living on my own, I will be sharing a room with a complete stranger and there's nothing I can do to change that. Actually, I chose that! So worrying basically does nothing for me. It'll happen, regardless if I worry about it or not.

3. I think the reason we do worry is to try to have some kind of say over our situation. As I said before, I worry a lot when I can't control things. In school, I never really stressed over tests and exams because instead of stressing I would just study a lot. In athletics, I would never really get stressed out because I would go to practice everyday and work my butt off until I was too exhausted to even care. It was only when situations came up that were out of my control, that I could not change with my hard work or preparation (or brilliance =P) that I would stress out. Because that's something I could control. 

4. Man's way sucks and God's way doesn't. The thing I really love about the Bible is it's very logical. All of the things in it aren't necessarily deep and spiritual, there's a lot of things that are pretty much about how to live healthier and easier. So, regardless of any or all religious beliefs, what the Bible says about worry is pretty much super smart. (i am really glad i was raised in a christian household because i had a bunch of random verses and phrases about worry in my head already, i didn't need to get up and get my bible and i wasn't about to as i was sitting there in my ball of worry) The Bible says "Which of you by worrying can add one minute to your life?" (Matt. 6:27) It's true. Worrying, as I said before, does nothing. It also says in Proverbs "Worry weighs a person down." Worrying is stupid and God tells us over and over again not to do it. Yet we still do. But God's way is way better. He says "Hey, I know life is hard and sucks a lot of the time, but instead of worrying trust in Me." So here are my two options: A)Trust in myself, a mere human with no extraordinary talents at all B)Trust in the guy who created the entire world, who runs everything all the time and loves us unconditionally. Hmm, that's a hard one... And yet, most of the time we chose option A. God doesn't want us to screw up and He especially doesn't want us to be stressed out all the time. His way really truly is way better than our way. And the best part is, He can actually do something about it. He is, actually, the one in charge. I think we forget that a lot of the time and try to take matters into our own hands. Stupid, stupid humans... 

So, after I thought about all these things, and had a nice little chat with the Lord where I pretty much laid all my worries out, I feel better. There's nothing more I can do to prepare for my situation. So I'm going to chill out, enjoy the rest of my very uneventful summer and just see where my life takes me. 

"in every life we have some trouble, 

when you worry you make it double 

don't worry, be happy"

Moving... According to Maz

Right before my eighth grade year, my family moved from my hometown in northern Nevada to a little town in south-eastern Arizona. It all happened very fast and it broke my heart. I left my dearest friends, my favorite places and the best place in the entire world and moved hundreds of miles south. I spent my entire summer after seventh grade year attached at the hip with Kate Pinder and I was looking forward to what promised to be a fantastic eighth grade year. I had great (and very popular) friends, teachers and coaches that loved me and the school was mine to rule. But instead, all within about three weeks, my world was turned upside down and I was stuck in a little town I hated and felt completely out of place in. 

But, God does work in mysterious ways. As miserable as I was in Safford, it was far closer to my extended family. Throughout my high school years, we had several horrible sicknesses and deaths in our family and we were lucky enough to be close to them for help and support. It would have been horrible to have been so far away as those happened, so I'm very thankful we could be close. But this seems like the only good thing that has come from living here. 

My father attended the University of Arizona and has committed his life to raising my brother and I to be Arizona Wildcats. So, it was always assumed that when we finally graduated from high school, we would go off to Tucson, no matter where we lived. Even when I decided at the age of 8 that I was going to go to Stanford, I knew I never would because I knew the U of A was the place for me. So, while living in Nevada, I always envisioned myself saying goodbye to my parents and flying to the far off land of desert and sun to live in pretty red-brick buildings. But now, the only difference is I will be driving there. And I'm stoked.

Not only because I will be going to college, but because I feel like the U of A is where I'm supposed to be. Ever since I was born, I've felt that at this point in my life, my college years, have been meant to be spent in Tucson. That, even if I didn't live in Safford, if my family had never moved and I still lived in Fallon, I would be going off to Tucson anyway. Like Safford was just an unexpected side route that didn't really mean to happen. So, although I'm scared out of my mind to be all on my own, freaked out about my roommate, afraid to fail all my classes and lose my scholarship, in fear I will become lazy and fat, and terrified of mistakes I know I will make, I am at peace knowing this is where I'm supposed to be. I really truly believe that. For the last 5 years I have felt out of wack with my life but now I feel that I'm right where I should be. Sure, Tucson is not the greatest place in the world, but it's the place where I belong. It feels good knowing that if Safford never happened, if I had never moved, I would be still be right where I am today, getting ready to go to the U of A. Maybe this isn't something I should be feeling, because college is about "getting out of your comfort zone" and that old saying "if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans" but that's how I feel anyway. I'm content in knowing that after all this time, I'm back to where I should be. I like that feeling, the feeling that this has been planned out for years and years and now it's going into effect. That although my life changed, it's back to where it originally was supposed to go. I've had enough with being out of my element, I just want to be where I want to be. So Tucson, here I come.

Names... According to Maz

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." 

I love this quote! And it's prolly the only one that I even remember from R & J, thanks to the great literature education I received at Safford HS. (no, i'm not being serious. i learned almost nothing about good literature in high school, the school spent too much time just trying to teach people to read. but I read enough on my own to make up for it.) I've started to realize that I might be obsessed with the names of things. Or at least the different sounds that different words make. And the different meanings that are associated with different words and different sounds. And that could take me to many many different places so, I'm just going to focus on people's names (thanks amber for helping me with that).

Isn't it funny that people fit the names that they have? I mean, think about it. People do! For the most part. I can think of a couple exceptions, but for the most part its true. Why is that? Do we just grow into them? Do we become more like our name because people associate our names with certain things? Here's a perfect example: my real name is Miranda and so whenever I go anyplace where I have to wear a name tag it usually says that on it because they take it off my file or whatever. But for the most part, I'm called Mandy. My parents have called me Mandy since I was a little girl and I have gone with that for pretty much my entire life. And I truthfully think that name fits me. Miranda, to me, sounds more girly, grown up, frilly. And Mandy is more free, more fun. I think so anyway... So, while I was at this camp (girls state), one of the girls there (sara) asked me "Do you always go by Miranda? Cuz that really doesnt fit you." I was blown away, because this girl I had known for a whole three days, not even because we had only really talked at lunch for like an hour, had figured me out. She didn't think I acted like a "Miranda". It's like my name was a costume but she knew that I really didn't believe I was what I was dressed up as. And it's not like I'm trying to hide behind my name, or that I don't like it. It was just way easier at camp to let people call me Miranda. But this girl that I hardly knew could tell that that wasn't what I was usually called. So, that makes me wonder, do we adapt to our names? Yes, my real name is Miranda, but I don't think I look like or act like a Miranda. I think I act like a Mandy. So, if I changed my mind and had people call me Miranda, would I start acting like a Miranda?? Would my change in name cause me to change who I am? Thoughts anyone? Stories?

And as I'm on the topic of names, I thought I might as well explain about my name Maz. If you haven't played sports or gone to school with me, you prolly wouldn't understand it. So I will explain. My freshman year, I was playing JV volleyball (i later was moved up to varsity, just fyi =P but for this story i was on jv) and we had a new coach named Chaz (coach brockrick, whatever). Because she was new, she was giving us all nicknames to make it easier for her to remember our names. (also because at the time she was super lazy, but i can only say that cuz i know her and feel free to give her a hard time.) So, she was giving us all nicknames and because my last name is Mazanek, she took the first part and started calling me Maz. And it stuck. I have no idea why. Again, maybe because it fits me, or I fit it. Either way, I became Maz. And pretty much everyone at school called me that. The funny thing is that when my dad was in high school (he was a big jock too) that's what people called him!! It's a funny world. So Maz is originally my sports name but is now my even shorter nickname, Miranda is my real name (that only a select few people and my mother call me) and Mandy is my everday name. At the moment. Maybe college will change me even more and I'll come up with an even different name! Who knows!?

Blogging... According to Maz

So here it is, my very own blog. I'm basically creating this because I have a couple friends who have made theirs and they have inspired me. And, I feel like I accomplish nothing during the summer, so at least now I can have something to do!! I'm usually not a very creative person, like I don't express myself through painting or drawing or any kind of crap like that, and I especially don't spend time writing. But I have found lately that I feel the need to get things out of my system or just get my experiences out in words, so I figured this is a good way! But, to make this project a little bit harder, I'm going to create some rules for myself...

1) No pointless crap! I'm not going to write about what I did today, or what I ate for lunch or what I think of when I see the color purple. I'm going to write about thought-provoking stuff, or stuff that I actually care about. 

2) No short stuff! If I'm going to write something, its going to be meaty. I'm not going to waste 5 min to log on and say Hi! Had a great day today! Nope! Not going to happen.

3) Nothing my mother wouldn't want to read... Sometimes I go off and get a little scary about things. So, I'm going to try to express myself as clearly and to the point as possible. No extra adjectives needed! =D I do have strong opinions about things, but I'm realizing more and more that so do other people and as much as I support my views, bashing theirs does not help anyone. So I'm going to try to express what I'm feeling without knocking anyone else. No offending anyone else!

And that's it!! Maz's 3 rules of blogging! We'll see where that takes us next!