Yes, this girl was indeed me. And yes, I did curl up in a ball on a bed. I have never done anything like that before in my life. I usually like to meet my problems head on, but in this situation I hid instead because I had no other idea about how to handle my worries and anxieties and fears. But as I was hiding from my future, my very analytical mind woke up and I thought some deep thoughts about worries, why we worry and basically why I was curled up in a ball. Here are some of them:
1. When we can't control the situation, it controls us. As in the above story, when I was unable to control my roommate situation, I became worried, stressed, scared and angry. Emotions I do not exhibit on a normal day. I thought about the different times in my life when I was in deeply troubled situations and I realized this happened to me every time. I did things that were not really me. Worry causes me, well, to worry. It brings out the worst in me. That's not to say I break under stress, because I really don't think I do. But when I am in a helpless situation, when I can not manipulate any of the variables to give myself some sort of leg-up or control, I start to go a little crazy.
2. We can't change anything by worrying. This is something I've always thought about and usually tell myself when I start to go crazy. But in this case I didn't really think about it until I was in my little ball. Worrying does not make a situation better, does not change it, and does not make it come any faster or slower. All it does is wear us out. I will be going to college, I will be living on my own, I will be sharing a room with a complete stranger and there's nothing I can do to change that. Actually, I chose that! So worrying basically does nothing for me. It'll happen, regardless if I worry about it or not.
3. I think the reason we do worry is to try to have some kind of say over our situation. As I said before, I worry a lot when I can't control things. In school, I never really stressed over tests and exams because instead of stressing I would just study a lot. In athletics, I would never really get stressed out because I would go to practice everyday and work my butt off until I was too exhausted to even care. It was only when situations came up that were out of my control, that I could not change with my hard work or preparation (or brilliance =P) that I would stress out. Because that's something I could control.
4. Man's way sucks and God's way doesn't. The thing I really love about the Bible is it's very logical. All of the things in it aren't necessarily deep and spiritual, there's a lot of things that are pretty much about how to live healthier and easier. So, regardless of any or all religious beliefs, what the Bible says about worry is pretty much super smart. (i am really glad i was raised in a christian household because i had a bunch of random verses and phrases about worry in my head already, i didn't need to get up and get my bible and i wasn't about to as i was sitting there in my ball of worry) The Bible says "Which of you by worrying can add one minute to your life?" (Matt. 6:27) It's true. Worrying, as I said before, does nothing. It also says in Proverbs "Worry weighs a person down." Worrying is stupid and God tells us over and over again not to do it. Yet we still do. But God's way is way better. He says "Hey, I know life is hard and sucks a lot of the time, but instead of worrying trust in Me." So here are my two options: A)Trust in myself, a mere human with no extraordinary talents at all B)Trust in the guy who created the entire world, who runs everything all the time and loves us unconditionally. Hmm, that's a hard one... And yet, most of the time we chose option A. God doesn't want us to screw up and He especially doesn't want us to be stressed out all the time. His way really truly is way better than our way. And the best part is, He can actually do something about it. He is, actually, the one in charge. I think we forget that a lot of the time and try to take matters into our own hands. Stupid, stupid humans...
So, after I thought about all these things, and had a nice little chat with the Lord where I pretty much laid all my worries out, I feel better. There's nothing more I can do to prepare for my situation. So I'm going to chill out, enjoy the rest of my very uneventful summer and just see where my life takes me.
"in every life we have some trouble,
when you worry you make it double
don't worry, be happy"